SURVIVING SUICIDE: THE AFTERMATH
Discussions about the events that lead to a person’s attempt to end their life do not take place often enough yet. However, a much less talked about subject, but equally important, is handling the aftermath of an unsuccessful suicide attempt. Something relevant to mention is that suicide attempts are significantly more common than completed suicides, indicating that a notable percentage of suicide attempts are non-fatal. This does not imply that surviving an attempt will immediately solve the issues that triggered the victim to make the first try, so, the need to be equipped to deal with the aftermath is important.
The period surrounding the event of a suicide attempt is a very delicate one for both the victim and their loved ones. The emotions that follow a suicide attempt can vary widely — from relief and hopefulness to sadness, shame, anger, or regret. Some suicide survivors report having second thoughts immediately after the attempt, followed by an intense feeling of relief when they realise they’d survived (we should note that it is not because what led them to that point was insignificant). They go back to their lives with a greater sense of purpose and gratitude, like a restart; for some others, they feel as if a burden has been lifted — especially if they had been keeping their mental health challenges or suicidal thoughts a secret from their loved ones.
But sadly, such positive feelings aren’t universal. Some people who survive a suicide attempt feel disappointed, ashamed, empty, or even more depressed than they were before. Although evidence suggests that such negative feelings will dissipate for the majority of suicide attempt survivors, they should be paid attention to, if present, as they may indicate that the individual is still at risk of suicidal thoughts or future suicidal behaviours.
First of all, there is no shame in having attempted suicide, and most survivors go on to lead full, fulfilling lives. But after a non-fatal suicide attempt, it’s normal — indeed, expected — to feel many conflicting emotions, and survivors may continue to struggle with their mental health or social challenges that drove them to suicidal thoughts in the first place.
For this reason, it is most advisable that mental health care should be a priority for anyone who survived a suicide attempt, even if they’re feeling okay in the immediate aftermath. Beyond that, seeking support from friends and family and identifying meaning and purpose in life are critical for recovery — as is reminding oneself that recovery is indeed possible.
It’s normal to experience feelings of shame after an attempt, to deliberately isolate yourself, or to attempt to keep what happened a secret from others. But social connection is especially important in the wake of a suicide attempt, and can be powerfully healing. It’s very likely that your loved ones are deeply worried about you and want to help, even if they’re not quite sure what to do or say. Experts recommend reaching out to others as much as you’re able to and letting them know that you are hurting and need their help.
As a loved one, it can be difficult to know what to say or do in the wake of a loved one’s suicide attempt, but, unless you’re a trained mental health professional, what your loved one likely needs from you is not for you to say the ‘right’ thing. Instead, just be there for them, in whatever way(s) they are most comfortable with.
Check in regularly, even if just to say “I’m thinking of you”. If they want to talk about the suicide attempt, make an effort to listen empathetically and non-judgementally; ask open-ended questions, and give them the space to sort through their complicated feelings in the wake of the crisis. As a cautionary measure, limit your loved one’s access to lethal means as much as possible, especially if they bring up suicide again.
Don’t be afraid to ask directly if they are still thinking of hurting themselves. Whether or not they are still struggling with suicidal thoughts, they will likely appreciate your willingness to address the issue head-on. In the wake of a suicide attempt, it’s common for people to dance around the subject or act as if it is somehow abominable, which can worsen survivors’ mental health in the long run.
When a loved one attempts suicide, it’s normal to be confused, frightened, or angry. It’s also normal to have questions: “Why did she do this?” “Could I have stopped him?” These questions, in many cases, have no easy answers. But one thing is clear: after an attempt, survivors need support, and having a loved one by their side is often a key part of their recovery. Along the way, it’s important for their loved ones to take care of them and make sure they seek help if they need it.
It’s possible to find that the relative feels anger toward their loved one after an attempt. While this emotion is valid, expressing anger toward your affected loved one in the immediate aftermath of an attempt is likely to be counterproductive. Instead, try to find an outlet for your own feelings — whether a therapist, a support group, or a trusted loved one — to make sure you are able to navigate your complicated emotions and support your loved one.
Practical help is valuable to survivors in the aftermath of a suicide attempt. Survivors may wish to get long-term mental health care — and if they don’t, you should encourage them to — but may be unsure where to start. Helping them find a therapist or support group in their area can allow them to focus their energy on healing and self-care. Also, encourage and support healthy habits like eating a nutritious diet, regular exercise, and getting plenty of sleep.
Helping your loved one set up a suicide safety plan is a proactive way of making sure they have access to help and know what coping skills they can utilise in a crisis. Safety plans greatly reduce the risk of future suicidal behaviours and promote healthy coping mechanisms among suicide attempt survivors.
We need to be aware that anyone who attempted suicide once may still be at risk, so it’s necessary to help survivors get mentally well and protect them from future harm.
Shaming and stigmatization will add fuel to the flames because, during this period, the victim mostly needs your presence as a reinforcement that they matter and that they are not alone.
This article was written by Blessing Madariola, a third-year medical student at the University of Ibadan. She is relentlessly passionate about mental health education. She is an energetic fireball that ironically sleeps a lot, and she cherishes time spent with loved ones.
References
- Catlin, C. (2019, December 21). Suicide Survivors Share Their Stories and Advice in These Photos. Healthline. Retrieved August 29, 2022, from https://www.healthline.com/health/photo-essay-portraits-suicide-survivors-resilience#Jo
- Kindelan, K. (2019, September 12). Survival stories: How 4 people got back from the brink of suicide. Good Morning America. Retrieved August 28, 2022, from https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/amp/wellness/story/life-attempting-suicide-survivors-55841545
